It’s the night before my 2nd IUI, and I’m trying to distract myself. I’ve changed the sheets, sent sub plans for school tomorrow, rotated laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. Now, I’m sitting on my bed and writing this blog post while old episodes of Parks and Recreation play. (That show is life. I try to be the Leslie Knope of everything I do.) I keep putting the computer down and laying back on the bed to stare at the ceiling.
I’m nervous. I think I’m more nervous than I was in November with IUI #1. Why? Why should I be more nervous? I don’t know. A year ago, after my PCOS diagnosis, I hoped I would be pregnant by now. Also, my health has not been great. In the last month, I’ve had the flu and a nasty sinus infection. Add that to the two cycles of fertility meds I have done at the same time, I’ve felt pretty miserable. Because I feel bad, I’ve not been eating or acting healthy. I also think my hormones are out of whack and making me overthink.
What if this doesn’t work? What if I messed up the trigger shot? What if this never works and I have to go to IVF? Am I ever going to be a mom??
I kind of want to cry, scream, laugh, and sleep. (Awww, those lovely mood swings.) I’m Craig from Parks and Rec.
I have to remain positive though, and that is REALLY hard. Every time a positive uplifting thought comes in a bad one wants to show up. I’m going to let the nerves prop me up, though. I’m going to remain positive and put my energy into that. I’m currently making a “Fertility Treatment” playlist for tomorrow’s hour-plus drive to the clinic and to get myself pumped. So far, there are only two songs: “Wake Me Up” by Avicci and “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons. I’ll add more and share it on another post. Just know, that I will probably be dancing in the car tomorrow, trying to pump Steve and I up.
Ok. Tomorrow’s a big day, and I need to prepare. Whatever happens with this round of treatments will be what it will be. Que sera sera. Just need to pineapple luck.
I’m a strong, powerful, and mighty woman. (Say that until I fall asleep.)
Keep drinking that water,
Sarah (Parks and Rec Obsessed)