This morning, I decided to make a “frequently asked questions” post related to so many of the questions and statements that have been asked Steve and me. It might be helpful. It might not. It will allow me to release some frustrations.
- Why are you adopting? Did you give up on having your own child?
Steve and I are adopting because it was always in our plan. Even if we had a biological child, we were going to adopt. Our plans changed after the issues I dealt with during treatment as well as my 3rd early miscarriage. As for having our own child, the child we adopt will be our own child. Please remember that. If we have a biological child in addition to our adopted child, we will have two children of our own. We do not want to make our future children think one is better than the other because it’s not.
2. What age are you adopting?
As of right now, it looks like we will be placed with an infant or toddler. We would love to adopt older someday, but the current path that we are on has us adopting younger.
3. Do you get to pick the ethnicity or gender?
I know some couples do for various reasons. However, Steve and I are not. We are open and expecting a child of a different ethnic or cultural background than ours. Gender does not matter. Will it be difficult? Yes. Will we work to understand and bring other cultures into our lives? Yes, we already do that. Again, the child we adopt is our child.
4. You know that you’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt.
That would be very cool, and we all probably know someone that this has happened to. However, we are not holding out hope for having a biological child. We will be happy no matter what.
5. Why would you want someone else’s child?
Why in the world would you ask this?? This question always surprises me because a lot of the people who have asked us this have step-children.
6. Aren’t you worried that the child will look different than you?
No. If it was a biological child, it may not look like me. (See exhibit A: My younger sister, Amanda, and I look nothing alike. We are full-blooded sisters.)
7. Are you going to tell your child he or she is adopted?
Yes. However, we will reinforce the fact that he or she is our child.
8. You’re so brave to adopt a child you don’t know.
Well, if we were having a biological child, we wouldn’t know what the child is like. Not brave. Just our way of becoming parents.
9. Aren’t you buying a child?
No, because that is illegal. We have a lawyer to make sure our adoption is legal.
10. Have you gotten the call yet?
No, but you will know when it happens.
11. How long will it take to get your child?
12. Why are you doing the whole baby “nesting” thing? You’re not pregnant.
Because. I. Am. Becoming. A. MOM!!!! My maternal instinct is to prepare for a child to come into my heart and into my home. I will be as ready as possible.
13. How can you respect the birth parents? They’re giving their child away.
Steve and I respect the birth parents and their decision. We would be honored to have a chance to raise their child. There is a lot of courage in their decision, and that should be respected. Our child will understand that he or she was not given away.
14. Are you ready to become a parent?
No! No one is, but I’m over the moon excited and terrified at the same time.
I hope this helps with any questions or misunderstandings that you may have. It may be for me or anyone you may know who is adopting.
I would love to hear what weird or random questions you have gotten. Comment below.
Until next time!