Below are some thoughts I have on this Mother’s Day 2019. Sorry if they seem rambling.
It’s Mother’s Day again. I sent out my annual message and love to my family and friends who are mothers. I mostly stayed off of social media because I knew that I would probably get “emotional” seeing all of the posts. Whenever I did get on, I did feel my mood go down and a lump form in my throat. My little tick of tapping three times for my three dots comes back. (See other posts for more on the three dots.)
It gets harder and harder every Mother’s Day. I’ve wanted to be a mother forever. I’ve been trying to become a mother for the last 10 years. I’ve had students tell me I am a mom because I teach, and that makes my heart a little happier. However, this day does make me feel the missing piece in my life. I can’t help it.
(Side note: I did cry a little because my darling husband included me in his Mother’s Day message. It was so sweet.)
I asked Steve this morning if he felt down on Father’s Day, and he said that a little, but not really. For him, Father’s Day doesn’t seem to hold the same amount of weight for him as Mother’s Day. He still feels the missing piece as well, but I guess it is not as magnified. (Think about all of the fanfare for Mother’s Day compared to Father’s Day.)
I have friends and family who probably know how I feel today because they have gone through it themselves or are going through it now. We are a part of special club, I guess. I know there are so many posts that talk about the “forgotten” mothers. I find those articles so weird. For some reason, it makes me feel like I should give people a guilt trip for being happy to be a mother. (I hope I am not doing in this post.)
I don’t know what Mother’s Day 2020 will look like. I could be celebrating becoming a mom, or I may still be in waiting. I hope that I will remember those of my friends that are still waiting. I hope that I remember the three little dots that I wish were my son or daughter. I hope…
My heart celebrates all of the mothers out there as well as sends positive vibes and hugs those still in waiting or are missing their children. I hope today was a better day than before.
Love to all,